Memoirs of a CPUNERD

Well, actually just firsts. Ordering is completely random, here’s my best of awards:

Country for plain ol’ chocolate        Switzerland, specifically Frey (owned by Migros).

Country for chocolate in general        Belgium, without a doubt.

Public Transit System        Germany’s Deutschebahn. Really, could you ever pick something else?

Favorite Subway        I already said this, but the Roman subway. It went everywhere, even though there were only two lines.

Nicest Train Line        Thalys, on the direct line between Bruxelles and Paris.

Scariest Accent        This would have to go to the older Dutch people.

Best-Hidden Accent        The younger Dutch people often times don’t have an accent.

Most Pleasant Accent        This would have to be either the Bavarian or the Edinburgh-Scottish, it’s a toss up.

Favorite Food        Italy - Napolese Pizza. Switzerland - Half a Rösti. Germany - Frederick’s spätzle. Netherlands - actually didn’t have any authentic Netherlands cuisine. Belgium - Nor from here, though the chocolate was awesome. France - You want me to say escargot, but no, the texture was just too weird for me. Spain - Jamon Iberica, totally. England and Scotland - Need you even ask? The pasties of course!

Favorite Dessert        It’s Europe, if anyone doesn’t say gelato, they have a problem.

Favorite Pastry        German croissants.

Most Impressing Sight        It’s a tie between the Eiffel tower at night and the Duomo in Firenze at night.

Favorite Statue         The statue of the fallen angel in Retiro Park, Madrid, Spain. A close second is the hooker statue in Konstanz, now that Verena informed me of its history.

Most Attractive  Women        German women, especially in Bavaria. Really though, Germany won by such a small margin. European women seemed to be really attractive, probably because on average they’re more fit and dress in a more proper fashion.

Most Attractive Men        If you throw out the language (American girls dig the French accent), I picture the Dutch guys attracting the most American women. Then again, all the girls I talked to with an opinion on the matter said that the German guys were the hottest.

Earliest To Bed        Is there any question here? The English of course.

Latest To Bed        There’s even less of a question on this one. When you don’t even walk in to a club until 04h00, you know you’ve won. Kudos for the Spanish, some how you consistently kept me up past my bed time.

Best Time Notation        The French. HHhMM. And the HH is twenty-four hour time.

Favorite Area        Montmarte, a close second goes to the area in Berlin where Sarah was staying.

Favorite City        Paris, there was so much to do, so much culture, and it was easy to get around. Roma would have to be second, for the same reasons, I just liked Paris more. Edinburgh would be third. Getting around was easy because Old Town was so small, and I really liked the feel of the city. London would probably usurp one of these positions if it wasn’t so freaking expensive.

Favorite Country        You would think that it would be France because of Paris, but I would actually say Germany. Overall, it left the best impression on me.

Tour de Arc        I could look at the photos and count, but I think I saw so many arches that I won’t bother.  In order, we have the Constantine Arch in Roma, the “Triumphal Arch” in München, the Arc du Triomphe in Bruxelles, Le Arc du Triomphe d’Carousel in Paris, Le Arch Du Triomphe de l’Etoile in Paris, An Arch in Barcelona, An Arch in Madrid, and the Marble Arch in London.

A rose by any other name would not smell as sweet        But apparently the same movie with a different name in each country will bring in better box office number. Deception, starring Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGregor, was just being released in Italy and France. It went by different names in both countries. Think you can guess which is which? Don’t look at anything but the title. Actuall, nevermind, kinda hard not to take the visual clues.

Things I wish I had known ahead of time

• Tri-band cell phones don’t work well in Europe, and they don’t get 3G signal. Get a quad-band.
• Make sure your Java settings on the phone are unlocked. I couldn’t use any of the applets because of this.
• Bathrooms almost always cost money.
• Wi-fi hotspots are significantly more rare. Get used to using (occasionally shady) internet cafes.
• Regional trains are free with the Eurail. Eurostar trains offer virtually no discount.
• The youth Eurail pass is second class, the adult is first class.
• Reserve spots on the ICs and ICEs.
• Italy has the cheapest trains, Spain the most expensive.
• Trains don’t usually stop on border crossings.
• You can get a boat ride to the hot springs in Konstanz.
• Book ahead of time at the Moulin Rouge, and bring lots of money.
• The Alhambra also requires an advanced reservation.
• The train station in Munchen isn’t near anything. Don’t think you can walk somewhere from it.
• The northern-Scottish highlands are a full day’s train away from Edinburgh, not a few hours.
• If you don’t claim baggage online with Ryanair, it costs €20 in person.
• Some hotels are listed on hostel sites, and they’re much cheaper on the hostel sites than the hotel sites.
• Don’t bother with the public transit passes in Amsterdam and Utrecht.
• Supposedly they have no common root, but (Old) Dutch and Scottish people have very similar accents.
• Haggas is made from the heart, lungs, and intestines of sheep. Yum!
• Learn the key phrases, directions, and orientations in the languages you’ll be hearing. Many people speak English, but not always enough. And trust me, when you really need a bathroom, they’re nowhere to be found.
• Learn to relax about your luggage on the train. I was really nervous about people just picking up my backpack and going. Not only did I never have that happen, I never saw it happen to anyone else either. I’m sure it does happen, but if you just put your stuff where you can see it, you should be fine. Verena suggests sleeping on the luggage; when possible it works great.
• More time! Whether you’re in a city for five hours or five days, it’s rarely enough.

Repent, for the end is nigh. My last week in Europe, and it went so fast. I felt as if I had just arrived, and I definitely didn’t want to leave. After all, who would? Luckily, I got to see Rachel, Miles, and Jen before I left. With those three, there’s no end of mischievous possibilities.

The Cesspool of England        Liverpool, not the football team, but the city. Ask almost anyone not from Liverpool, with the exception of the Beatles and Sport, nothing good comes from there. In fact, quite the opposite, only crap. When I was going through Customs, the female agent was just mean. The people around weren’t much nicer either. Who says that first impressions aren’t everything?

It’s like it’s not even fair        I had the pleasure of watching a Premiership game in person for the first time. We would’ve just missed the Blackburn game if we tried to get to it, so instead we opted for a later game and went to watch Man City play Portsmouth. It wasn’t even close! 6-nil Man City. It was awesome to watch. Portsmouth played well, they just weren’t as good and paid for their lapses. And get this, not a single person for Man City scored more than one point. Talk about balance!

Wow, you guys are on a completely different level of swearing over here        Watch the first twenty seconds of this. It’s so true! When I was at the Man City game, the English football fans made the jeering from American football fans seem like proper gossip at a little girls tea party. Simply put, astounding.

It really is a meat pie        Also during the Man City game, I had a lovely experience with a steak and kidney pie, courtesy of Mz. Horsfield. It was exactly what I thought it would be, steak, kidney beans, and pie crust. Not bad, though I think it cost something like £4, yikes!

That’s not a knife, it’s a spoon. Oh, well, I see you’ve played knifey spooney before        When Rachel was showing me around the Ribble Valley, we went with our friend Fay to this place called something like “The Wild Boar Park.” No, there were no wild boars. There were plenty of Wallabee’s, deer, and goats though. Also, there were two dumb meercats and one smart one.

For some odd reason, there was also a zip line. We had some fun with that. On the way out, Rachel also decided to try her luck with a wrench. Look at the pictures, you’ll get it.

That house costs how much?!        I didn’t know this, but Edinburgh is one of the three most expensive places in Europe to purchase a home. It has something to do with the fact that three banks house their headquarters within the city. Apparently a slummy house in Edinburgh that in San Francisco would cost about $500,000, costs almost £1.5mil. This city is nice, but not that nice.

Walk a Royal Mile in someone else’s shoes        Or not. I chose to do it in my own. Partnered with Rachel, Miles, Jen, and Ceira (not all at once), I got to experience the Royal Mile and Edinburgh Castle, as well as the university. The area was similar to Bruxelles in exactly one way, there were tons of “ancient” buildings on every corner. It was possible to tell the purpose of some, but not others.

Did you just say “Abe Lincoln?”        Actually, yes I did. Don’t ask me why, but for some reason there is a memorial to the Civil War. Standing prominently, approximately five meters high is Abe Lincoln. Below him is a freed slave, with knees on crumpled flags laying on the ground. An arm is extended in gratitude to Lincoln. Apparently this is the only US Civil War Memorial outside of The States.

A Celtic-Catalan cocktail to blow both minds and budgets         Designed by a Catalan architect, the Scottish Parliament building was pretty eccentric on the outside. I must admit that once one stepped inside, it was just a normal governmental debate building. Apparently the thing was freaking expensive though, and the architect died before it was completed. Right outside of the building was the Royal Art Gallery, as well as an “authentic Scottish” souvenir shop run by a Pakistani family. Right.

Climbing the crags of Mt. Doom        Well, actually just The Crag. It’s a debatably active volcano just outside of the Scottish Parliament building. There was a nice, smooth trail up to a summit, which we took gingerly (though not as gingerly as this one older gentleman, he was booking it up there!). The view was pretty spectacular, not something that could be captured adequately with film (though I obviously tried).

Haggas!        Yes, I did indeed try the stuff. It wasn’t that bad! Jen insisted that I try a thoroughly Scottish meal, so we had Haggas, potatoes, and turnip. I give her an A+ on the cooking. Way to go on microwaving the haggas dear. = )

The Scene        Picture the Castro in San Francisco, but everyone has Scottish accents. Yes,”the scene” is the British name for it (I say British because it extends across the England-Scotland border). Again, Jen wanted me to have an authentic Scottish night out, and since it was Tuesday, the scene was where it was at. I must admit that I’m slightly sad I didn’t get hit on. Apparently there was a short, thin, bald guy checking me out while I was at the bar, but no one ever came up and said anything to me. Why can’t I ever be the piece of meat?! Huh?

Pasties!        Rachel and I went on a tour on our second day in Scotland. We stopped briefly in the main square in Glasgow. First off, I had an easy time in Scotland with the accent. In Glasgow, that was not English damn’t. That was some abomination of the language. It’s as if a demonic rat took English, chewed it up, fed it to the little baby demonic rats, then gave it back when it came out of them. But I digress. When we stopped in the main city square of Glasgow, Rachel and I wanted to get breakfast. There was a pastry shop right outside the bus. We ran there, and what did I see? Pasties! Glorious, hot, delicious, ever-fattening, peppery, gravy-filled pasties. I wasted no time and devoured one in but a moment. I also happened to find many more “East Cornwall Pasty Co.” stands throughout Britain, I frequented them as much as possible.

When you pronounce the “ch”, pretend like you’re choking        Loch Lomond supposedly is supposedly the largest lake in Scotland by surface area (Loch Ness is the largest by volume). It’s in the pseudo-shape of a tear drop, with a long inlet from the Atlantic, and a few islands in the center. It was really, Really, REALLY, REALLY cold as we got further out on the lake. Rachel and I eventually retreated to the warmth of the indoor cabin and a hot cup of tea.

Why would they name this area after pants? No, you moron, it’s Trossachs, not trousers        The southwestern part of the Scottish highlands were gorgeous. It wasn’t quite as mountainous and green as I pictured, but it was quite breathtaking. Apparently if we had been there a week earlier, the entire floor of the highlands would be purple with this blooming flower. And if we were there three weeks later, the leaves would be changing colors and we would see Scotland in the Fall. Oh well, I’ll take what I can get.

What pretty eyes you have        Hamish is the name of the tourist attraction that is a Scottish highland cow. Regular cows have a hard time surviving the winters in Scotland, they aren’t cut out for it. The rugged beast line to which Hamish belongs thrives though, well, when they aren’t being led into a slaughterhouse of course.

Sterling as Silver        Stirling Castle is one of the largest non-ruinous castles in Scotland. About the same size as Edinburgh Castle, it boasts the (at the time of construction) largest entertaining hall of any castle. Of course, modern buildings make one scoff at the size, but when put in context it’s quite impressive. There was also a Scottish was museum, and I learned all about the history of the kilt!

If you’re interested, there’s another East Cornwall Pasty Co. in the Edinburgh airport        Yes, of course I had one.

All that glitters is bronze        To start my first day in Southern England,  Rachel, Michael and I took a nine mile hike around the valley near Droxford. Our first destination was a bronze-age settlement. It was right on top of a hill overlooking the entire valley for miles around. We continued through all sorts of wonderful country side. After the hike, we walked around the village outside of their place. I found more wonderful ivy, as well as a ruined castle. Apparently it was destroyed because it had previously been conquered and then retaken, and the original holder didn’t want it to be used against him again.

Almost like I’m home again        My friends Ciderman and Sean were also taking a Eurotrip. They were just getting started on their trip as I was finishing up mine. We met up with them, as well as my friend Carl and his friend Zaid at a bar near the Waterloo station, then headed to dinner and eventually to this interesting club underneath the London Bridge called the Shunt Vaults. It was weird, the club doesn’t advertise, and it doesn’t even have a sign for entrance, just an unmarked door.

Yet another arch        After seeing so many, I guess I know how seriously the Europeans take their arches. The last one for me to see was the Marble Arch in London, England. And yes, that is why the tube stop is called such. I wonder how many the US has…

I’ve never seen so many of them        If you ever walk the south bank, you’ll get a glorious view of the London skyline. However, you’ll also get a glorious view of hundreds of construction cranes.  Apparently amidst the financial crisis in Europe, London is able to continually bulldoze and rebuild. Of course, I find this even more humorous because London is so short. I think thec ity has an anti-skyscraper view, so whenever they want to build a new building, they just tear down an old one and make the new one more compact (if that’s even possible).

That can’t be it, the world is flat        Har har har. Yes, I visited the globe. Yes, I know that it was built after Columbus sailed across the Atlantic. Sadly I did not get to see a play inside of it.

Everyone’s a little bit racist/sometimes        It doesn’t me walk around committing/hate crimes! Yes, you guessed correctly. Rachel and I got tickets to see Avenue Q in Leicester square. We got to the box office early enough that we secured central seats in the second tier balcony on the first row, woohoo! The show was awesome, and I know it’s in the US (I missed it when it was in San Francisco). I strongly recommend you see it.

Places of Interest:

• Liverpool: Ha! Oxymoron.
• Manchester: The Eastlands, Downtown (is there really much else?).
• Ribble Valley: The Wild Boar Farm (where there are no boars), Lots of the country side.

• Edinburgh: Edinburgh Castle, the Royal Mile, Old Town, New Town, the Uni, Birthplace of Harry Potter (now with draught beer!), Scottish Parliament, Old Calton Cemetary, The Crag, more that I can’t remember.

• Glasgow: See Liverpool.
• Scottish Highlands: The Trossachs, Loch Lomond, Hamish, Stirling Castle.
• South England: A lot of the country side, including a bronze age settlement.
• London:The Marble Arch, Leicester Square, Shunted Vaults (The club under the London Bridge), London Bridge, Tower Bridge,  Trafalgar Square, St. James’ Park, South Bank, The Globe, Waterloo Station, The Tower of London, Buckingham Palace, Google.

Spain, as with many other European countries, is very diverse. Spain is one of the few countries though that had a significant middle-eastern influence. Large parts of the Spanish language are influenced by Arabic, and many old buildings still exist.

I was fortunate enough to get to see Barcelona, Madrid, and Granada. The Catalan capital, the Castilliano capital, and the location of the biggest Arabic (and converted Christian) stronghold on the continent.

Would you like some food with your olive oil?        One thing I both loved and hated about the Spanish food, it was all completely soaked in olive oil. It tasted really good, and it was much better than Crisco or the vegetable oil that a lot of U.S. places use. On the other hand, virtually everything was fried, so it was hard to get something that felt healthy.

Now that my friend, is stylish         I don’t know what makes the Spaniards different, but I like their sense of style. It’s hot in Spain, and it can be humid. Unlike the Italians, the Spaniards find shorts to be perfectly acceptable. Now, I don’t look Spanish, but I was at least able to blend in clothing wise.

It’s a bird! it’s a plane! No, the statue is just pointing the wrong way        If you go to Barcelona and you go near the pier, take a look around and find the statue of Christopher Columbus. If you notice, he isn’t pointing east, towards the Indies. He’s not pointing west either, the direction he intended to sail. No, in fact, he’s pointing south. One could argue that he had to sail south around Spain before he went west, but don’t you think a statute should be more figurative than that?

Through him shall be your salvation, and around him is the amusement park        The juxtaposition of a Catholic church and an amusement park was just too good. Have you ever seen a cartoon where there are fat people working out in a gym, then right outside the window, some kids (this specific one is from the Simpson’s where Bart gets a girlfriend) are eating ice cream? It’s making the fat people lick their chops and go crazy. That’s exactly how I see people in the amusement park being to the kids forced to sit through mass with their parents.  Can you imagine how hard it would be to control a kid and keep him or her from screaming and crying throughout the mass. I can just see it now; “Now you listen to me Pepé, you be good and we take you on the roller coaster, comprendes?”

Is that really an upgrade?        Barcelona has recently taken offense to bull fighting. That’s fine by me, but the unfortunate consequence is that the city is tearing down one of its historic buildings. And what, you might ask, are they putting in its place? A shopping mall. Huzzah…

I love it, it’s so Gaudy        If you didn’t know, the word actually stems from the Catalan architect Gaudi. He has several buildings in Barcelona, including some very cool designs in Güell park.

I’m glad I was wearing velcro in all my pckets        So Javi and I were taking the metro in Madrid. There are these three older teenage girls waiting as well. The subway comes, the door opens, people get out, and I, being the typical chivalrous guy I am, motion for the girls to go ahead of me. Javi does not. I get a nervous smile from the girls, I figure it’s just because they aren’t used to it. As Javi is getting on, one of the girls is behing him, and apparently almost shoving him to get on the train. We’re standing there for about thirty more seconds, apparently there was a slight delay. As the door alarm sounds, the girls all file out quickly and one of them drops something, pretty heavy by the sound of the thud. I look down and my first reaction is to yell out “Hey, wait! You dropped something!” Then, Javi looks down and he says “What the f&^%, that’s my iPod?!” Apparently the girl that had been shoving had picked his cargo pocket and he didn’t even realize it. We don’t know why the girl dropped it. The one thing we could think of is that it was in a leather case, and she must have mistook it for a small ledger or something like that. Still though, what the heck?

It really is just a city        Okay, so Madrid isn’t just a city, but Javi was right, Barcelona is indeed more beautiful. Madrid was fun to see, and I enjoyed it there. But there just wasn’t as much to it. The buildings were magnificent, and at least Madrid wasn’t destroying its bull-fighting ring. The Royal palace was awe inspiring, in both size and design. The statue of the fallen angel in Retiro Park was easily one of my top five “monuments that you’ve never heard of.”

A unique aroma, consisting of Mathematics, Religion, and Aesthetics        If you’ve never been to the Alhambra (or, like me, never even heard of it), I recommend it if you find yourself in southern Spain. It’s a Muslim stronghold that was later fortified when the Christians captured it. The place is immense in size, and much of the Muslim architecture has intricate patterns that required advanced mathematics to create. Oh, and a flower garden!

Aaaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaaah!        You know the stereotype about how loud American tourists are? Here’s a story to back it up. Javi and I were in Granada, and we went to the town square to have some drinks with the American exchange students. Now, in Spain, drinking on the street is illegal. You have to go to designated public squares. So, we go there, and I’m not exaggerating, somewhere between two-thousand and three-thousand people between sixteen and thirty are there, just drinking and having a good time. Of course, everyone is happy, people are saying cheers left and right, the normal stuff. The Americans though, they get to be different. Instead of just saying cheers to everyone in the group, someone raises their bottle of pepsi and rum and just starts yelling. After five or so seconds, all the other Americans do the same. This lasted for anywhere from fifteen to forty-five seconds. This happened three times. The first time, we were getting looks from the crowd after about five seconds.

Places of Interest:

• Barcelona: Parc Güell, Temple de Sagrat Cor, Parc d’Attracions, La Ramblas, Castle by the Pier, Skylift, Pier, Statue of Christopher Columbus, Parc Zoologic, The Unfinished Cathedral.

• Madrid: Palacio de Cristal, Palacio Real, Plaza Mayor, Palacio de Telecommunicaciones, Cibeles, Plaza Santa Ana, Gran Via, Plaza de Oriente, Angel Caido (Statue of Lucifer), Retiro Park.

• Granada: Lots of the downtown area, a surprise fashion show, the Arabic vendors, Alhambra.

The next part of my journey took me through The Netherlands (Holland), Belgium, and France. I was able to experience the wonders of the canals, the sorrow of the red-light district, the awe of turning a corner and seeing some eight-hundred year old building, and being lied to in French, repeatedly.

Along the way, I was able to meet up with Paul, Lilian, Anna, and Antoine. Too bad that none of the French people I met from last year were able to make it, oh well. It might have been for the best though, as my time in Paris was quite rushed, even though I spent three full days there.

Really, you mean it mister? Well that’s just swell        Okay, replace Mr. with Ms. and that sentence would be more accurate. Lilian was able to get Paul and me into the Rijksmuseum for free with an audio tour. It was interesting to see how a country like The Netherlands viewed itself. In the U.S., we never really learned much about the place, so it always came off as insignificant. Of course, no country in Europe actually was that way, but it was just the impression we were given.

Also, seeing some of Rembrandt’s better work, and all the still life paintings was fantastic. I’ve always been a fan of technique in art, and seeing how flawless the paintings were impressed me. Then, getting to hear the (sometimes sordid) history of the paintings and other pieces only made the experience more entertaining. Thanks again Lilian = )

I thought it would be cool. But no, it really was just a donkey… and a girl        My sentiments on the red-light district. I thought it would be this cool place where I would see a bunch of cool or funny things. Instead, it was just depressing. You see these older women who have obviously been doing this for years, and for them, it’s their way of life. Then, you look at these young, obviously Eastern-European women in the windows. My initial impression, which was later confirmed, is that a lot of the women there are lied to and promised good jobs in Western Europe, only to be brought to Amsterdam and forced into prostitution until they pay off some ever-increasing amount to their “savior.” Double sigh.

Don’t worry, everybody in the Netherlands speaks English        They weren’t kidding! I kept hearing this, and could only think that this was a simple exaggeration. But no, it’s pretty much true. If you run into a person under thirty in The Netherlands, chance are high, over ninety percent,  that they speak English (and probably better than you).

Some floss and two postage stamps        In all honesty, that’s what some of the prostitutes in the red light district were wearing. In fact, I remember getting yelled at by this mid-forties prostitute with a breast job. She was wearing a two-centimeter thick band around her chest (yes, so that just her nipples were covered), and practically nothing over her crotch. On a hot twenty something, it might’ve looked sexy. On her, it kinda made my stomach turn.

So when we go, we can all go… together         I must admit I was a bit weirded out, but the outdoor urinals in Amsterdam were both helpful and kind of funny, and even a bit fun. When guys urinate in a public restroom, eyes glance over their back (and sometimes more, but I’m not going there). When you’re in Amsterdam, people actually try to make eye contact! A truly bizarre feeling. I think the icing on the cake was when I saw one guy in the outdoor urinal, and someone else was standing outside, making eye contact and talking to him in Dutch. Just plain funny to me.

Wait, is he doing what I think he’s doing?        From Bruxelles, two words for you: Mannekin Pis.

Where’d I put my sleeping bag?        I can’t believe how much was in the Louvre. Yes, yes, everyone has heard of the Mona Lisa. Many people know about the Winged Victory. But there was so much more. Sooooooooooo much more. I literally could’ve stayed there for a week, and only seen half of what was there.

Wait, is that thing that keeps flashing the Mona Lisa?        Okay, I get it, you’re excited. You’re in Paris for the first time. You get to see a painting in person that you’ve never seen before. But seriously, do you have to get a picture of it? You can’t even stand next to the damn thing, because there’s a barrier and a horde of people pushing up to it.

I think I had a big problem with this in general in the museums. People would be trying to snap pictures at everything. It was to the point where you couldn’t even appreciate a painting. Every time I would actually get to focus on something, SNAP! Someone takes a picture and either coats the painting in red or bright, bright, white light. For architecture, or things to which you can stand next to, I don’t mind one bit, in fact I encourage it. You were next to something famous. You want to be able to show that to people. But if it’s just a picture of something, someone else has already taken that picture, and I’m sure it will come out much better than yours.

In his honor, we present the following        A bottle of Jack Daniel’s Whiskey and a pack of cigarettes. This is what we found at Jim Morrison’s non grave at Pere Lachaise cemetary. Strangely, I found it more fitting than the flowers that were also present.

From Dusk till Dawn        That’s how long I could’ve stayed at the Eiffel Tower. I timed my ascent up to the top so that I could catch the sunset there. I also stayed a bit into dusk, at which point the lights kicked on. Once I descended, I headed to the part and proceeded to take potentially my most memorable picture of the trip.

Parlez-vous Anglais? Non, je ne suis pas. Hey Paul, can you help this tourist out?        Seriously, this pretty much happened to me. I was told by many friends that I could go to a store in Paris, ask someone (in French) if they spoke English, and they would say no. Then, after some embarrassing charades on your part, they would speak English. I figured this was an exaggeration. But nope, it actually happened. I couldn’t believe it. It made me loathe the stereotypical Parisian even more. Yes, I know Paris is not all there is to France. I understand that. But I still have a distaste now for Parisians. If the city wasn’t so freaking awesome, I probably wouldn’t go back.

No means no        Freaking A, when you ask me for my finger, and I tell you no, I f*&!ing mean it. Why would you try and put some stupid finger lock on me when I tell you no? Can’t you come up with a better way of making money? This happened at Sacre Coeur in Montmartre (easily my favorite place in Paris).

I found an Einstein-Rosen bridge in Paris        Right on the eastern corner of Montmartre, one exits Paris (and Europe) and enters the Middle East and Nigeria. It was so crazy, I’ve never seen a switch in a neighborhood occur so abrupt. I was being approached to buy a cow’s leg, fake italian purses, vacuum cleaners, you name it. Anna and I instead had some delicious, syrup-soaked pastries.

Places of Interest:

• Amsterdam: Anne Frank House, Heineken Brewery, Red Light District, Rijksmuseum, Central Park, Flower Market

• Bruxelles: Mannekin Pis, Royal Park, Royal Palace, Arc du Triomphe, Notre Dame, City Center

• Paris:  Opera House, Place Vendome, Obelisk, Place du Republique, Arc du Triomphe de l’Etoile, Arc du Triomphe du Carousel, Champs Elysee, Pere Lachaise, Montparnasse, Moulin Rouge, Sacre Couer, Montmarte, Little Nigeria and Little Middle East, Eiffel Tower, Grand Palace, Louvre, Notre Dame du Paris, Place St. Chapelle, Latin Quarter, River Seine, Madeleine (Mary Magdalene) Church.

This leg of the trip represented my first solo experience in Europe. The people around were helpful, but it was quite nice to get back to friends, especially those who could translate. I made my all the way from Venezia to Milano, then Zürich, Konstanz, Stuttgart, München, back to Stuttgart, the Berlin, and finally Köln.

On the way, I met up with Matthias, Frederick, Simon, Meli, Sarah, Emma, and Meike. I also got to make the acquaintance of some nice strangers in Zürich and München.

Welcome to the land of chocolate, watches, and legal financial rape        Don’t let anyone tell you that London is the most expensive city in the world. It isn’t true. For just a glimpse of the cost of things in Zürich, keep reading. I got into the train station and needed to use the restroom. I saw that it cost 1 Fr (keep in mind that 1 Fr was approximately $1). I thought to myself “I’m here for one day and night, 60 Fr should do.” I get to the ATM, and my first scare was that one could only withdraw in increments of 50 Fr. I decided to get 50 Fr and just try and make do. So I then go to a kiosk and try to break the 50 Fr bill. I picked up a candy bar, thinking this couldn’t be that bad. 2.40Fr! WTF?! They were all that expensive. In fact, I picked up the cheapest one. This was only the start… 50 Fr wasn’t enough to cover a candy bar, map, two public transit rides, dinner, and a pastry for breakfast. On the other hand, it was more than enough to buy some of the best freaking chocolate in existence. Go Frey!

At least they have that going for them        If you ever train from Italy to Zürich, you’ll probably go through Milano, and that means you get to go through the Alps. A friend once told me that in comparison to Europe, the Americas are much more extraordinary. He must have forgot to exclude Switzerland from that sentence. I have never seen scenery like the Alps before, and I don’t know if I ever will (Himalayas anyone?).

I spell heart attack R ö S T I        Seriously, have you ever heard of this stuff? It is probably the most American dish I encountered outside of England. It’s just potatoes, bacon, eggs, and enough cheese to stuff a hollowed-out human heart. It tasted great, but man was it heavy.

The Great Lakes        Zürich and Konstanz are close in more respects than just their Geographical locations. The lakes people! Lake Zürich was beautiful, and the lake at Konstanz was easily one of the best things about the city. I was just told about this, but the statue of the woman at Konstanz is supposedly that of a famous prostitute and two church officials, no kidding.

They go hand-in-hand        I found something quite amusing walking through Konstanz. After getting a wonderful view of the inside of the church, I walked back outside and sat down on the steps to let my eyes readjust to sunlight. What do I see across the square, but tons of people enjoying a liter of beer. It brought a smile to my face.

A new definition for “towel dry”        At the hostel in Zürich, I found something quite interesting. I didn’t have a fitting sheet cove (the kind that has elastic on the corners), but I did have a blanket, pillow, plain sheet set, and towel. In the morning, I get up to take a shower, and I take my towel and unfold it. What do you know? It’s also the fitting sheet. I don’t know if this was done on purpose, or if it wasn’t supposed to be a towel, but I used it anyway. And yes, it worked great.

I am tourist, here me roar        All though Europe, but especially in Germany, it was really easy to notice that I had the look of a typical tourist. I really want to believe that it was something more than just the shorts, but I couldn’t tell.  At least I tried to get some of the language correct.

A hooker, a pope, and a cardinal walk into a bar        Which one says ow? Well, if you’re talking about the statue of Imperia on the Konstanz harbor, my guess is not her.

This is supposed to be Germany, not Florida!        Seriously, what the hell? Matthias, Frederick, and I were walking back to their place from a nice, sunny day in Stuttgart. All of a sudden, mother nature is like BAM! I’m gonna monsoon on your parade, bitches! Maybe Germany isn’t so great after all…

Hail the conquering hero        Poor Matthias and Frederick. They just weren’t having a good run of luck. Gunther and Steph beat them at beer pong on their table (their first loss). Of course, I had to give it a go. I convinced Inna, one of their two other roommates to join up with me. We beat them. No, we pulverised them! (Sorry guys, just telling the story). Of course, they came back and beat me and Andreas, but I had already retired at that point so it didn’t count.

Objects in map are further apart than they appear        So, umm, yeah. If you ever take a look at the München map online, make sure you look at the scale. I tried to walk from the train station to the city center. WAAAAAAAAAY further than I thought. I eventually broke down, bought an U-bahn (pronounced oooo-bon) ticket, and explored the city in comfort.

Nachster Halt        While we’re on the subject of the Deutschebahn, can I just say how soothing it is to hear the female voice on the ICEs? Nachster halt, Stuttgart Hauptbanhopf. Nachster halt, Berlin Hauptbanhopf. Ahhh, so refreshing.

Never question potency        Seriously, after having an incredibly large meal at the Hofbräuhaus, I proceeded to drink a liter of the original, or, as I ordered it “Ein grosse beer, vitter!” It took an hour to clear my head before I felt comfortable heading back to the hotel.

Speaking of the Hofbräuhaus        If you haven’t heard of it, it’s the oldest beer house in Germany. It was destroyed during WWII, but rebuilt later. It is now owned and operated by the German government. Starting at 1900, the festival hall opens upstairs. It is basically the same thing you would see in their Oktoberfest tent. Lots of good food, beer a plenty, tables full of foreigners, and Bavarian instruments, singing, and dancing.

I went alone to the place, and so I was seated with the other small groups (one to six people). I sat next to a nice German man who had been living in the U.S. for quite some time. After a few minutes of talking to him, he looks at me and says “You know, you’re English is quite exceptional.” I of course laughed and explained that I was from the U.S. He asked me where from and I told  him I was living and working near San Francisco (way more people know that than Sacramento). He then proceeded to tell me that his wife worked in Silicon Valley, he was a food scientist, he graduated from Cal Poly, and had actually done research at UC Davis. Small world!

BMW, makers of the hand… job?        Yes, I actually saw this book inside the BMW museum. Don’t ask me why. The rest of the museum, was pretty cool. I don’t think it was worth the €12, but it was still a cool thing to see.

Oh no, not another Wedding!        Emma, Sarah, and I met up in Berlin. We had dinner at this great Italian pizza place near Sarah’s flat. During that time, Emma told us about how creepy her hostel’s area was. It was in a place called Wedding. I got to see it first hand when we went back there to get her stuff and get her the hell out of there. Even at night, there were a bunch of creepy Turkish guys loitering. I think they gave Emma less looks as she was with company, but still.

Stairway to Heaven        While climbing the five-hundred and nine steps to the top of the church in Köln, I couldn’t help but think of the song. Also, I thought of the church of Istar as described in Time of the Twins. Poor Meike had to keep up with me. She also neglected to inform me that she had just been horseback riding and was thus quite sore and tired. Sorry Meike!

Places of Interest:

• Zürich: Coop (grocery store that sells chocolate), the lake, St. Peter Kirche, Grossmünster, Fraumünster.
• Konstanz: The lake, the church, the city area (preserved from medeival and other historic periods).
• Stuttgart: TV Tower, City Center, Wine Festival
• München: Schloss Nymphenburg, Frauenkirche, Hofbräuhaus, Triumphal Arch, Englischer Gartens, BMW Welt, Olympic Par, City Center
• Berlin: Brandenburger Tor, Schloss Charlottenburg, Museum Isle, Potsdamer Platz, Pieces of the old wall, Unten der Linden, Berliner Dom
• Köln: Kirche, River, Shopping District